Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. ~attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson
This experiment didn’t go at all like I thought it would. I didn’t have any awkward conversations. This could have been partially because it was a slow week for being around people (and no, I didn’t plan it that way), but I think it was mostly because I’m not nearly the liar I was starting to feel like I was.
Every day, I kept thinking something was going to happen that would be enlightening, but the most enlightening things were actually going on inside my head! What I discovered was that my increasing sense of irritation, illness and stress seemed to be stemming from just a couple of specific situations…not the be all-end all lie fest I was feeling. In actuality, I do often speak with honesty. Is that enough? I don’t know.
When I read about noticers versus thinkers, I made a decision that I wasn’t willing to do that. I have a filter, people, and I’m not afraid to use it.
1. For me, noticing is what my father does. It’s not only embarrassing and uncomfortable, it’s one of the bigger reasons we choose not to spend a lot of time with him. I love him, but as I get older (and as my children get older), it becomes more difficult to accept and understand this quality. I don’t want that for myself.
2. Having a filter has allowed me to do things that I would never have been able to do otherwise. I’ve been able to work for families in my state in a way that would not be possible if I spoke whatever came to mind all the time.
3. A large part of my business/my passion/my life involves active listening in an atmosphere of non-judgement, assessing information and filtering it into answers for the couples I work with. It also involves being the keeper of many secrets. People trust me, and not without good reason. I work hard at honing my listening skills and I work hard at burying their truths deep down. I can not and will not give that up.
Finally, I am deciding that I simply must let go of things that have happened in the past. They can not be changed, and really, I don’t want to change them. Sure, some things were hurtful or sad or scary, BUT…they all comprise the me I am today. Every single moment in my past has been another little rock on my life’s path. However, I am also deciding that I don’t have to tell myself to “let things go” and then not really do that. I can speak my mind, say “Gee, that hurt my feelings” and THEN move on. Speak the truth and be done with it. In doing this, I hope to let go of the past, not worry about the future so much and live fully in the present.
And that is my radical honesty.