Wednesday evening I had an interview with a potential postpartum client.  Even though I know her already, I was still nervous about the appointment.  It’s a been well over a year since I’ve had a client (other than loss families) and I wondered if I’d be rusty.  This is also the first time in a long while that I have worked with someone outside my close circle of friends.

It was intimidating and I was rusty.  I talked about myself way too much.  NOT talking about myself is something I work diligently at, as who wants to hire someone to take care of *them* that can only talk about herself?!  I also couldn’t seem to catch my flow and forgot to include some information they might have liked.

I’m disappointed and I came home feeling wondering if I’ve set myself up for failure.  I have only ever taken on a few clients a year, so it’s not like this is my “business” and I kept thinking, “What if I’m really not very good at this?”  My husband informed me that I always say this and that of course I’m good at it.  It made me feel better, but he doesn’t really know whether I’m any good at it because he’s not the client!

Anyway, I realize that I simply have to be good at this because I can’t do anything else.  Taking care of people during the childbearing year is what I do…it’s become something I *have* to do.  I also wonder if feeling like I didn’t click is because my heart is leaning more away from doula’ing and more towards midwifing.  I see the need for the doula work, both for them and for me, but something seems to be changing in the way I relate to that need. Hmm…