Operation No More Nursing, Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Four, Day Five, Day Six

He did it!   He slept in the living room, all by himself, all night long.  I heard him rustle awake, go to the bathroom, then come climb into our bed and fall back asleep!  Wow!

Even though we’ve come to the end of our immediate “no nursing” fix, I know there will be more days ahead of asking, distractions and probably even a few more fits (about nursing).  It’s incredible how strong a habit this is for both of us.  As an example, this morning he plopped up on my lap and requested to nurse.  I was distracted by the computer and started to lift my shirt before realizing what I was doing.  Oops!  Thank goodness I quickly came to my senses, but the damage had been done.  I gave him a glimmer of hope and he was not at all happy when I took it away.  Poor little guy.  😦

I think he may not feel well (again) today.  He’s been sluggish and Daddy has an upset stomach…will we ever be well again?!!  Unfortunately, this means putting off our video game excursion another day.  Luckily, he’s been okay with that and hasn’t really asked much about it, but I feel bad that he’s done so well and still not gotten his reward!

I was thinking in the shower about what I’ve learned through this:

1.  Not nursing is SO MUCH BETTER than nursing and hating it.

2.  Even though he’s super independent and, in many ways, seems quite a bit older than his three years, my guy still needs his mama more than I realized.

3.  We can make it through those rough spots using other “tools” in our “toolbox”.

4.  I like my guy more when I’m not annoyed that he’s trying to grab my boobs all the time.

It’s funny how quickly the bad feelings melt away.  It’s only been one week and I already am looking back on our nursing relationship with fondness (not enough to nurse him again, though!).  I guess it’s sort of like having a baby…once the baby’s there, the pain and hard work of the last few hours seems to melt away in an instant.  We gaze at these majestic little beings, seeing nothing but them, sometimes for weeks on end.  I’m trying to remember that feeling when it gets hard…remember the adorable little baby with chubby cheeks and a mound of hair.  Remember the way my heart swelled and tears sprang that first gaze.  These are the memories that come to mind now when I hold him.  We’re moving forward, our relationship constantly changing, but I can feel this endearing love and awe towards him again.

Our nursing relationship may have come to an end, but the next chapter in our story is just beginning….

Loving Gaze