It’s hard for me to believe that he’s three already! In so many ways, it seems like just yesterday he came slip-sliding out into daddy’s hands. Each year, on their birth days, I like to take a few minutes to re-read the kids’ written birth stories and reflect on that time. Colin’s birth seems fitting. Right from the start, this kid has known what he wanted….and that’s that. There is no arguing with him, ever. He flew out and has been flying ever since, stopping only long enough to sleep and grab a bite to eat.
We had a rough go in the beginning. I passed some large clots (one of which we thought looked remarkably like the beginnings of another placenta) and proceeded to faint. That was taken care of quickly, but within a few days I had developed a high fever. We went to the hospital, where I stayed for another few days. It was scary and saddening. Although we were mostly left alone and everyone there was gracious to us, it was upsetting to be so sick when all I wanted to do was love on my baby in my own bed. Adding to my stress was the knowledge that our experience would probably affect our initial bonding and/or possibly our breastfeeding. Luckily, my fabulous friend and local La Leche League leader saved us from breastfeeding issues and we continue to nurse today. I had a somewhat difficult time adjusting to a newborn again, which may or may not have anything to do with getting sick/staying in the hospital. I’ll never know and that’s okay.
Back to the birthday boy…
He has done everything in hyper-speed, with me trying to keep up! He walked fast, ate food (or, more accurately, foraged it) early, talked non-stop by the time he was one and so on. Now, I’m not saying “my kid is wonderful and he’s so super smart, look at him, blah, blah, blah”…I’m just saying that, in comparison with his older siblings, he seemed to do everything really fast! I should have known then what was to come.
As he’s gotten older, this kid has continued to amaze me. And frustrate me. He has tons of personality. For example, this morning he explained to me how he didn’t want to have his friends over for his birthday because he wanted to eat all his cake. Yeah. And just check out that picture over there. <—- He’s going places. He has the most adorable hair ever. See it? It’s curly with a bounce, something many of us covet. He is incredibly independent, opinionated, full of zest…all that jazz. I adore him.
That’s the sweet stuff. Now for the nitty-gritty. Colin, sweetie, if you read this in ten years you’ll probably be mortified. And then you’ll come read it again after you’ve had children and you’ll understand. Love you!
I enjoy writing posts on my kids’ birthdays, but this year writing a mushy post about how darling and wonderful my toddler is just didn’t seem authentic. The truth is that I have spent many, many days this past year feeling incredibly frustrated, and even angry, with Colin. I hate that. I want to have a harmonious relationship, lovingly reading books while the baby plays nearby. That’s just not the way it is. Having older children, I know that it will calm down. I know that he will gain logic, patience, understanding, etc. But right now, those days seem forever away.
I complained to my friend the other day that I’m spending most of my time walking on eggshells, hoping to avoid battles at all cost. He wants to do everythinghimself, which means it takes an extra thirty minutes to hour for us to go anywhere, and that’s IF we avoid any fits. Those generally add another twenty or so. He stalks my boobs, laying in wait for the opportune time to latch (which would be all day, every day if I let him). He also wants me to do exactly what he wants, sometimes expecting me to read his mind about what it is he wants.
Sometimes, he is so loving and darling. At other times, I have to physically restrain him from pouncing on his brothers. I feel for the poor little fellow, really I do. It’s not his fault. I had to focus inward often during my pregnancy, which left him pushed out at a critical time. After that, I had a newborn and a mild bout of postpartum depression. I know he’s taken the brunt without understanding why.
I repeat mantras in my head like “this too shall pass” a *lot*. I read things like Don’t Carpe Diem from momastery and take solace in the friends who also have “spirited” children and get it. I speak the truth when people ask about my little cherub. I tell them how he’s a lot of fun but also a lot of work.
And, I think about all the things I love about him, those qualities that make him uniquely Colin:
*The way he snuggles into the back of my neck in bed and says “move your hair mommy!”
*His potty mouth
*His aversion to clothes…all the time. Like, even on Thanksgiving.
*The way every single toy in the house is a weapon
*His big brown eyes that I get lost in
All in all, he’s a pretty rockin’ kid. He still drives me bonkers, though. I guess it’s a good thing I love him so much. 🙂