*Just found this in my drafts. It was originally written on March 2. I’m sure I had more to say, which is why it was still safely tucked away, but I think I’ll share it as-is.*
What a silly title for a post. Honestly, it was the best I could come up with. I don’t know how else to describe some recent posts I’ve read TalkBirth, Navelgazing Midwife and Knocked Up, Knocked Down.
In advocating for women, it seems all too easy to get caught up in specific choices (“my” choices). I try to remind myself on a regular basis that if I want to have the right to choose my homebirth with my midwife, then Jane Doe deserves the right to have her elective cesarean complete with general anesthesia. Is that enough though? Do I still think she’s wrong?
If I’m completely honest, some part of me does still think *my* choices are right. Why the hell would I choose to do things this way if I didn’t think it was right? But right for whom? My choices reflect my values, my personality, my needs/wants, my history. How on earth can I expect someone, anyone, to make the same choices as me?
Just the other day, a woman I barely know came up to me at the store. She commented on the baby peeking out from my back, and asked me some question about what I was doing or something like that. I said that I was doula-ing and slowly working on midwifery study. She then proceeded to tell me that I should stop having kids so I could pursue that, and I should really be thinking of permanent birth control now before I was done having kids so then I could do it right away when I was ready! Yikes! This suggestion/advice was not only not-asked-for, but very much unwanted!! To assume that I had never thought about any of my options was ludicrous.
That’s exactly the same way some of us who are pro (insert whatever choice here) are! Wow. Have I ever made another woman feel that way? What an awful prospect. I never want to make anyone feel that they are below me for the choices they make. I don’t know what anyone’s life is like, other than my own…and sometimes I don’t even get that!!….
All women deserve compassion, empathy and support when making decisions for their pregnancy and birth. Those should be gifts given freely without judgment or ridicule.