During Mother Blessings, we encourage mothers to write down and burn their fears, speaking them out loud if they so choose. In this way, we can take away the power of the fear by meeting it face-on, as well as watching it ‘blow away’ during burning. This seems appropriate for the fear about our appointment tomorrow. I’ve done all the paperwork, prepared in every technical way I can. My heart is still filled with a fear that I can’t shake. In the wise tradition of my female community, I offer up recognition of these fears. I am not my fear.
Fears:
1. What if I’m right? If I’m right, then a label may follow B around forever. Will that be a hindrance or a help? Will our entire lives change? Why did it take so long to figure it out? Didn’t I know? I am the mother after all!
2. What if I’m wrong? Then, whatever is going on is all my fault…something I did or didn’t do. How did it get to this point? How will we get any help?
3. What if there’s no answer? Will we be stuck like this forever, unable to communicate, unable to get each other at all?
4. What if it’s something entirely different (worse?) than we thought? I don’t even know where to begin with this one. What if it’s something we can’t ‘fix’?
Hold steady — try to save your suffering for when you KNOW what’s happening!
(((hug))) I hope you all get what you need from this process. Think of it as a birth- because it is the birth of a new perspective/understanding. And, like any birth there will be some pain and fear to get through but when you make it to the other side hopefully you’ll be able to see your own strength and have something precious, albeit fragile, to hold on to.
Hugs, Summer. Being a mother makes you feel like you should know everything and be responsible for everything because that is how a child makes you feel, but you are still human and I love that you are giving yourself time to recognize and talk about your fears. You are an amazing mom and you will do what you need to do for your child. Whatever that may be.
I think Shawna summed it up perfectly! My thoughts are with you today. Taking necessary steps IS part of dealing with the fear, and things will work out.
Such a heavy load to be carrying on your shoulders. I have too many thoughts swirling through my head to summarize here, but I think they sort of boil down to, “please be kind to yourself”. And call anytime. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow….
Holding you both in my thoughts and hopes. It is good to look these “tigers” in the eye. You are enough. You are strong enough. Go forth with courage at your side!